:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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