Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
