he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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