I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
