I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
