he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
