i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
