lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
