I've blown a few things in my day
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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