So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
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Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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