Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
