You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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