Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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