they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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