You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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