I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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