oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
