I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
