a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
