Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
