So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
