just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
