i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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