Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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