Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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