"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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