Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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