you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
