I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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