At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
