i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
