we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
