my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
