normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
