Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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