She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
