my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
