I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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