The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
