Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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