He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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