i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
