You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
