he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
