Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
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Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
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I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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