Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
