5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The uberlube is also flammable
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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