I just saw a hot homeless man
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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