Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
