I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
