I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
3 2 1 whiskey
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
