I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I came so hard my ears popped.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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