Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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