I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
