We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
