Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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