Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
