I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
