I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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