Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
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Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
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We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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