Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
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i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
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It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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