I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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